#19: The Metrodome

RANK: #19 of 22, #13 of 15 current ballparks
NAME: The Hubert H. Humphrey Metrodome
A/K/A: The Homerdome
MLB TEAM: Minnesota Twins
YEARS IN OPERATION: 1982-Present
CAPACITY: 56,144

• TRADITION: 3 - The Metrodome has seen two World Series victories for the Twins (1987, 1991). The 1991 Series featured one of the best endings ever, as Jack Morris led the twins to a 1-0 victory by hurling a ten-inning complete game. The most notable player to toil here is undoubtedly Kirby Puckett, whose life and career were cut far too short. While the Twins have featured a number of good teams over the years, the players have often been transient, given the club's small-market pocketbook. The ballpark itself lacks anything historic or traditional outside of the "Homer Hankies" waved by fans.
  
• AMENITIES: 3 - The Metrodome features no on-site parking, but (from my recollection of my long-ago visit), a number of lots offer a decent rate in exchange for a few blocks' walk. As it is a football stadium as well, the venue has ample concessions and shops. Perhaps it has improved over time, but I recall the team shop / kiosks to be particularly unimpressive in both selection and price. The restrooms and concourses seemed old and drab, and considering that I visited when the place was barely ten years old, that's not so good.
  
• COMFORT: 4 - In terms of comfort, nothing beats a roof over your head in Minnesota. If you attend a game on one of the roughly ten warm summer days per year, you'll feel cheated, but climate control in early April is a wonderful thing. Unfortunately, the sight lines and proximity of the seats are hampered by the dual-purpose nature of the Dome. When Target Field opens in Minneapolis in 2010, one of the last baseball/football facilities will be lost, and that's a wonderful thought for purists.
  
• FANS: 6 - Given the penny-pinching ways of the ballclub and the lack of a true baseball venue, the fans deserve ample credit for their passion and dedication. Attendance has hovered in the 28,000 per game range over the last few seasons (roughly 20th among MLB teams), but the fans make more noise than some crowds double that size.
  
• TEAM: 6- Again despite the inability to hold star players in the face of free agency, the Twins have been primarily an above-average team, especially during this decade. The ballclub racked up six consecutive winning seasons from 2001 to 2006 and narrowly missed a division crown in 2008.
  
• FUN: 2 - The Jumbotron at the Metrodome is a nice feature, but nothing else was memorable about the non-baseball aspects of catching a game here.
  
• FOOD: 3 - The food at this venue is just about as anonymous as a majority of the team's players over the year. The typical array of hot dogs, pizza, and the like were somewhere between "microwave" and "somewhat clean gas station" in quality.
  
• PRICES: 7 - Ticket prices are a bit cheaper than at most MLB venues, and the parking is reasonable as well. One of the few benefits of seeing a "small market" team is that it often doesn't charge you enough to afford Johan Santana for the next eight years.
  
• OVERALL FEEL: 2 - Unfortunately, nothing here but the vociferous fans makes this feel like a true ballpark. The great Mike Ditka once famously referred to it as "The Rollerdome," and the artificial turf and giant hefty bag in right field do it no favors. At least Twins fans can look forward to an end to their suffering in 2010, as the Metrodome fades into their past.
  

TOTAL SCORE: 38

#20: Nationals Park

RANK: #20 of 22, #14 of 15 current parks
NAME: Nationals Park
A/K/A: Walgreen's Field
MLB TEAM: Washington Nationals
YEARS IN OPERATION: 2008-Present
CAPACITY: 41,222

• TRADITION: 1 - Although the ballpark rests in one of the most historic and tradition-laden cities in America, absolutely nothing about the venue nor the team earns any points here. In fact, even if one added in the history of the Nationals' precursor, the Montreal Expos, it would be tough to rank this any higher.
  
• AMENITIES: 4 - Parking is more or less non-existent, but the proximity to a Metro station mitigates somewhat. The walk down a long, unattractive (perhaps unfinished?) outdoor corridor to get to the park from the Metro was very rough on crutches. Inside, this place has everything you'd expect in a new ballpark. Plenty of concession and souvenir stands ring the seating areas, and the restrooms are adequate. Ironically, this park, like many new sporting venues, created problems by overcompensating for previous issues with long lines for women's rooms. I do not recall any lines of women, but men's restroom lines often spilled well into the concourse.
  
• COMFORT: 5 - I have absolutely nothing remarkable to say on this topic. Sight lines were pretty clean, and the seats were average in terms of comfort. I was disappointed that my calculations on seating choice did not result in the view of the Capitol, about which so many rave. Perhaps finding those seats would have moved this score up a few notches.
  
• FANS: 1 - It must be tough to be a true fan of a team with no history, no marketable stars, and no real shot at a winning season. The crowd was very tame, and the weak performance of the team didn't inspire many great moments. Perhaps the addition of crowd-pleasing Adam Dunn will help a bit, but there's a long way to go.
  
• TEAM: 1 - If this score surprises you, odds are that the Nationals' players are so anonymous that you have no clue how bad they are overall. When the best player in your team's (admittedly brief) history is Ryan Zimmerman and no starting pitcher had more than 10 wins, a winning record, or more than 120 K's in 2008, it's probably safe to make vacation plans for October. See 2009 Nationals starting rotation hopefuls: Here, Here, Here, and Here
  
• FUN: 6 - I'm a sucker for a fun mascot race, and the Presidents Race fits the bill. Poor Teddy never wins, which is ironic, considering he was in better physical condition than a vast majority of U.S. Presidents.
  
• FOOD: 4 - The food was very, very ordinary. The 2-for-$1 hot dogs at 7/11 are just as good as anything we got here.
  
• PRICES: 6 - For a new park, the prices were pretty reasonable. It helps that we took the Metro instead of paying for parking, and the food was no more expensive than one would find at a Toledo Mud Hens game. The tickets were not horribly expensive, but when you consider the quality of play, probably not the greatest value.
  
• OVERALL FEEL: 3 - The place wasn't a dump, but it did not have the feel of a real ballpark. The best adjective I can think of is "sterile." The giant Walgreen's script W logo was distracting, too. Couldn't they have gone for something more original? I didn't get the chance to see a game at RFK, and I'm sure the new park is better, but this was the most disappointing stop on my two most recent baseball vacations.
  

TOTAL SCORE: 34

#21: Dolphin Stadium

RANK: #21 of 22 overall, #15 of 15 current parks
NAME: Dolphin Stadium
A/K/A: Joe Robbie Stadium, Pro Player Stadium, Havana Stadium North
MLB TEAM: Florida Marlins
YEARS IN OPERATION: 1993-Present
CAPACITY: 36,331

• TRADITION: 3 - The only points this place gets for tradition come from the two World Series victories won by the Marlins. The 1997 Series was quite memorable, ending on Edgar Renteria's 11th-inning single in Game 7. Unfortunately, the team was dismantled, fire-sale style, after each of the two championships. Many notable players have taken the field for the Marlins, but none for more than a few seasons. Generally, once a player gets too expensive for the penny-pinching Marlins, he is sold off for younger, cheaper prospects. This is no way to build tradition or a stable fan base.
  
• AMENITIES: 4 - Plentiful parking was available in a large grassy area just outside the ballpark (at least it was in 1997-1998, my only visits). Since the place is built for football, there are enough restrooms, concession stands, and souvenir shops to handle twice the baseball capacity worth of fans. Many concession areas were closed during my visits, as the ratio otherwise might be one worker for every two fans.
  
• COMFORT: 2 - The place is built for football, so it utterly lacks the set-up for great baseball sight lines. The weather forecast varies from humid and uncomfortable (April) to hot and miserable (May) to "I must be a moron for leaving my air-conditioned house" (rest of the season). Seriously, during my August visit, I wondered if we could get a hurricane to come through and decrease the humidity.
  
• FANS: 1 - Quite possibly the worst fans I have encountered. When the team was making its unexpected move to playoff contention late in 1997, the place swelled to almost half-full. Otherwise, the club couldn't outdraw the average high school football team. On September 3, 2008, with the team still in the playoff hunt, Marlins pitcher Joe Nelson and two other players counted 584 people in the stands just prior to game time. In addition to being fair-weather (if there is such a thing in summer in Miami) fans, they are the least knowledgeable bunch I have encountered. I was surprised, as the population is heavily Hispanic, and that demographic is usually credited with a great interest in baseball. Unfortunately, cheers were vastly louder for the between-innings Latin music than for the actions of a very good baseball team.
  
• TEAM: 3 - Aside from the aforementioned championship teams, the Marlins have consistently featured a mix of cheap, potential-laden youngsters and cheap re-treads. Nothing to see here.
  
• FUN: 4 - Billy the Marlin is a pretty decent mascot, and the fans respond to the between-innings entertainment somewhat like real baseball fans respond to outstanding play.
  
• FOOD: 4 - The traditional ballpark food was underwhelming, with ordinary to sub-par attempts at hot dogs and pizza. The only redeeming value here was in Cuban favorites like black beans and fried plantains.
  
• PRICES: 6 - Parking was pretty cheap, and I actually sat in a $4 (if I remember correctly) seat at the very top of the stadium. My first trip to a Marlins game was sponsored by The University of Miami School of Law as part of my orientation program. Nothing like doling out $4 seats to the students paying $20,000-plus per year in tuition. Overall, none of the prices were too high, but as the saying goes, you get what you pay for.
  
• OVERALL FEEL: 1 - To even call this place a ballpark is sacrilege. Simply put, it's a football stadium, filled (well, not exactly filled) with clueless, sweaty fans. Nothing to be proud of, Marlins
  

TOTAL SCORE: 29

#22: County Stadium

RANK: #22 of 22 overall, #7 of 7 defunct parks
NAME: County Stadium
A/K/A: The House that Bratwurst Built
MLB TEAM: Braves, Brewers
YEARS IN OPERATION: 1953-1965, 1970-2000
CAPACITY: 53,192 (final year)

• TRADITION: 3 - There's not much to say here. The Brewers made their only World Series appearance in 1982. Notable players from the final twenty years of the ballpark included Robin Yount, Paul Molitor, and Rollie Fingers. Hank Aaron hit his 755th and final HR at County Stadium as a member of the Brewers.
  
• AMENITIES: 3 - Parking was reasonably ample and nearby. The park had all of the amenities one could want, if one wanted only brats and beer. Restrooms were both sparse and decaying, and ushers were few and far between. On some of the chillier days, it seemed as though no one worked at the ballpark but the players and beer vendors.
  
• COMFORT: 1 - I tried to come up with a witty analogy for the comfort level of County Stadium, but my thoughts were consumed by memories of misery. The seats were designed to inflict back pain, the cold wind whipped unmercifully through the seating area, and the sightlines weren't all that great. In Dante's Sixth Circle of Hell, heretics such as Farinata degli Uberti, Guido Cavalcanti, and the architect of County Stadium are tormented.
  
• FANS: 2 - I don't recall ever seeing a game here for which the stands were more than a third full. There were a few knowledgeable die-hards, but all in all, it was a lackluster bunch with very little energy.
  
• TEAM: 2 - As previously noted, the team featured very few stars and was almost uniformly bad over the years.
  
• FUN: 2 - Well, there was Bernie Brewer and his giant beer slide in the outfield. Did I mention that everything here revolves around beer and sausage? It was like Oktoberfest, but without the goofy Europeans and the cleavage-laden tavern wenches.
  
• FOOD: 7 - Ah, finally something decent about County Stadium. People in Wisconsin like to eat and drink. A lot. The place was a massive heart attack waiting to happen, but hey, it's a ballpark, not a health club. The stadium brat was the best bet.
  
• PRICES: 5 - As the number suggests, the prices were pretty middle-of-the-road. It's been a long time since I saw a game there, but I recall neither fantastic bargains nor an extreme drain on the wallet.
• OVERALL FEEL: 1 - Put some grass and seats inside a drafty concrete warehouse, and you pretty much have the County Stadium experience. Sure, the food was good, but if you want cheese, brats, and beer, you could go anywhere in America's Dairyland.
  

TOTAL SCORE: 26