Breaking up is hard to do.

(Note: I wanted to post pictures of Owen with Hannah and Owen getting "shushed" by The Librarian, but Blogspot is currently being a smelly pirate hooker and not allowing me to do much of anything.)

When last I wrote to you, I had pledged to myself two things. First, that I would break off my affair with the Cincinnati Rollergirls (CRG). I swore that I would not drive all the way to Cincy just to watch a roller derby bout. I left open the possibility that I would attend in the future, but only if I happened to be in town for something else. Above all, I would not devote hours to writing about the event if I indeed happened to watch. Second, I told myself that I would be more diligent with my blogging. I would finish posting my rankings of the ballparks I have attended and write about new experiences. I would post lists of my favorite movie quotes, 1980's songs, and restaurants. I would even, from time to time, weigh in on the issues of the day. That was in August 2009. If you're scoring at home (or even if you're alone), that would be fail and epic fail on my two objectives. I'm sorry. I have lots of excuses: two jobs, health issues, taking care of my dog, and trying to have a personal life. Choose any that sound good to you today. So, with my latest mea culpa out of the way, let's discuss my trip to Cincy for a night of roller derby.


So why, after my professed breakup with CRG, did I decide to drive to Cincy and back for yesterday's bout? I suppose that there were two main factors. The simplest explanation is that one devoted and caring rollergirl, whom I respect very much, encouraged me not to give up on supporting the team. Even though I am to most of the members of CRG a random and replaceable ass in the seats among thousands, knowing that my support mattered to at least one person there meant a great deal. Beyond this, any one who knows me knows that I am a sucker for renewal, reconnection, and second chances. My single favorite day of each year is Major League Baseball Opening Day. Those of you with a connection to Cincy probably understand this better than most, as the Reds host the "traditional" start to the season, a beloved event in that fair burgh. To me, Opening Day is hope. It represents the return of a long-absent friend. Every fan is expectant, and every team is in first place. It is a chance to make right what has been wrong in the past. It is the chance, however strong or however slim, that this year will end in glory. What better day than CRG's home opener at the Cincinnati Gardens to see if the spirit of rebirth extended to roller derby?

I managed to recruit Owen, my best friend since college and the presumptive best man should I ever be inclined to attempt another engagement, to join me for his first ever roller derby experience. On the way down from Toledo, we listened to the XM radio and talked of many things. He had some questions about derby. Is it choreographed, like the roller derby I vaguely remember watching? (Definitely not.) How much to they get paid? (Nothing. In fact they pay to play.) So this is a hobby? They have real jobs AND do this? And they're still really good? (Yes, yes, and yes, although I suspect that calling it a "hobby" doesn't do it justice.) I promised that I would fill him in on the rules and some of the strategy once we got to our seats and he could use the track itself for reference. The trip was easy and uneventful, and we arrived at the Gardens just a bit before the doors opened at 6pm.

As she has done many times in the past, the lovely and talented Miss Print made the arrangements for our trackside seats. I later found out that another personal favorite skater, Trauma, had assisted in placing our tickets at will call, so many thanks to both of them. We stopped on the way to the seating area and picked up a pair of $1 PBR's for Owen. Since I generally don't drink, this was the first time I had ever partaken in CRG's version of happy hour. Miss Print had mentioned that she would try to reserve two seats for us in one of my preferred areas. After taking a lap of the trackside seats and not seeing any such signs, we opted to sit in the front row of the VIP section, near the announcers' table. These are certainly my favorite seats, as they provide a good view of the action, a nice sight line to the only scoreboard, and the occasional ability to ascertain what the announcer is saying. Since there were no velvet ropes and no ill-tempered bouncers, nothing stood in the way of our rightful VIP status.


As the skaters began to take the track for warm-ups, and the friendly and capable support staff made final preparations for the bout, I detailed the rules and general strategies of derby for Owen. As I knew he would, he picked up on these quickly, drawing on a sports background (baseball, football) similar to my own. By the first few minutes of the "B" game, he was already making astute observations. As we were talking, Miss Print game over to greet us. Apparently, we did have seats reserved on the other side of the arena, but we chose to remain VIP's. The Librarian, my other favorite since the Dames of Destruction took the track in Cincy, also gave us a wave and a "shush" as she prepared for her bout. After about an hour of talking and approximately 2, 412 trips to the restroom and beer stand for Owen, we stood for a very good rendition of the Star-Spangled Banner. By the time the lineups for the B game (CRG Silent Lambs vs. Circle City Socialites of Indianapolis) we announced, a crowd I estimated at 1,000 or less was ready for the action.

• The Lambs featured many new (or at least new-to-me) skaters for this game. By my count, I had only previously seen half of this squad in action. Since the B games are not official WFTDA games, the rosters may be larger than 14. These teams each put 19 or 20 different skaters on the floor during the bout, and CRG featured a four-woman primary jammer rotation, plus guest jams from a few others. Of the Lambs' main jammers, only Miss Print had regularly worn the star in the past. Circle City is a team with relatively little interleague experience. The ladies from Indy played with intensity, although it was clear that they did not benefit from the same level of coaching that the Lambs claimed.
  


• The star of the show from the jamming line was CRG's Wheezy. In addition to a quadruple grand slam (20 points on a single jam, which I don't recall ever seeing in person before), she racked up many other high-scoring performances. In virtually every one of her jams, Wheezy took lead jammer easily. Her speed was unmatched, and this often allowed her a very clean initial pass on the outside. The pack did a great job slowing down for her and "trapping" a Circle City blocker, allowing Wheezy to use her speed for its maximum point-scoring impact. I was also very impressed by her balance. Many times, she absorbed a decent hit and managed to stay upright and in control, even holding her line on one skate at times. As she learns more from her time skating with a smart and experienced CRG bunch, I expect even better things from Wheezy. Still, she and her teammates should be very proud of this auspicious start.

• Wheezy was not alone in an impressive jamming performance for the Lambs. Miss Print put it all together in this bout and displayed her best performance in some time. Good things came in small packages for CRG, as Miss Print seemed even a bit faster than usual. More impressive than her speed game, which is pretty consistent, was her aggressiveness. On virtually every pass, Miss Print seemed to know exactly where she wanted to be, and she attacked the holes in Circle City's blocking. In a previous discussion, I had told her of the importance of aggressive and decisive tactics, comparing a jammer to a football running back. While I certainly take no credit for the improvement in this facet of her game, it was nonetheless an astonishing improvement. Miss Print was sharp and quick in and out of her cuts, and she took advantage of very small openings by seizing them before they could close. In the past, the biggest flaw in her game was that she spent a sizable portion of a typical jam on the ground or knocked out of bounds. While I did notice an uptick in her strength, toughness, and ability to take a hit, I believe that her mental game made the biggest difference in her spending more time upright this time around.

• The other revelation from the B game was Bex Pistol. I had extolled her virtues as a smart positional blocker before, but this time we got to see what she could do while wearing the star. Bex showed speed and agility I hadn't noticed before, to go along with the track savvy I remembered. That combination led to a very solid point output. While I don't have official stats, it wouldn't surprise me to discover that Bex (as well as Wheezy and maybe Miss Print) outscored Circle City by herself. Also, if you get the chance to talk to her after the bout, I'd recommend it. She's sweet, smart, and funny, so well worth the time.

• In truth, all of the Lambs' jammers had success against Circle City. Pistol Whippin Wendy got regular turns, and crowd favorite Glamourazz went beyond her usual single jam. It was also nice to see newcomer Rebel Sk8r get a late jam with a large group of supporters in attendance. I believe the overall success stems from multiple factors. First, CRG's blocking was very solid throughout, and good blocking certainly makes a jammer look much better. Also, I'm sure that the coaching (both from coaches and veteran CRG skaters) prepared them well to expand into jammer roles. Finally, while not wanting to take anything away from CRG's performance, the talent disparity between the two teams was striking. A more experienced opponent would likely have presented more of a challenge. It's good that the Lambs' new jammer corps got some experience, as I'm sure they will face some tough matchups as the season progresses.

• Turning to the blockers for the Lambs, I will begin with a confession. I usually watch the pack very closely, as my days on the offensive line gave me a keen appreciation for the battle in the trenches. While I didn't ignore the pack this time around, I did find my attention diverted at times by the stellar jamming. Geez Louise had her best performance to date, laying down the law with some monster hits. It also seemed like her speed and conditioning were better, as I recall her struggling to keep up with the pack at times last season. I noticed some excellent offensive blocking from her as well, so Geez Louise deserves credit for an excellent two-way game. She also deserves a bill from Circle City for some heating pads, Flex-all, and ibuprofen.

• Another blocker who stood out was newcomer Envy MiYoni, who often served as the pivot. As I mentioned earlier, I thought that the CRG pack played very intelligently. It changed speeds well and trapped opposing blockers to get some 20-foot calls. Not only does Envy deserve credit for directing the pack, she also had a fine effort in terms of individual blocking. She is tall and thin, and I wondered if she would be able to control enough space to be the last line of defense at the front of the pack. Experience watching a pivot like Blu Bayou should have told me that quickness and smarts could easily make up for a lack of girth. Envy slid effortlessly to the inside of the track on many occasions, sealing off a Circle City jammer to allow the rest of the pack to re-establish positioning.

• Veteran Lambs The Librarian and Nik Jagger were quietly effective within the pack. At first, I wondered if Nik was having an off night, as I didn't notice the big hits that are emblematic of her game. As I watched more closely, it occurred to me that the pack was functioning so effectively in slowing the opposing jammers that there were simply fewer opportunities for big, open-rink collisions. One of the primary factors in the smooth play of the interior pack was the play of The Librarian. It seemed that every time a Circle City jammer slowed and disappeared into a group of bodies, she was at the heart of it, skating low and spread out to control a major swath of the track.

• Overall, the matchup between the Lambs and the Socialites was not close. The ladies from Indy kept the game in reach for the first 5 or 10 minutes, but it quickly slipped away as the Lambs executed their game plan. If my recollection holds, Circle City scored only 5 points over the final 28 to 30 minutes of the 40-minute bout, and the game ended in a 112-30 CRG victory. While Circle City did appear overmatched, the seeds of a bright future were apparent. Even though I focus primarily on CRG skaters, a few Socialites made an impression. Faye Stunaway skated very fluidly and seemed to have both an excellent track awareness and great physical talent. Megan Enemies looked like an all-around building block for future success, and Anya Booty kept grinding it out on the jammer line. This squad will need some time and an infusion of more talent to compete with a team the likes of the Silent Lambs, but the potential is there.

• Finally, I must offer my prayers and best wishes to CRG's Shirley Temptya in her recovery from a brutal injury sustained with a mere 0.4 seconds remaining in the game. The incident happened almost directly opposite from our seats, so I did not see it well, but we could tell that she went down very awkwardly. To a former football player, the way she pulled off and flung her helmet was telling. It was the act of someone in immense pain and frustration, and an act I have experienced firsthand, lying on the field and waiting for the trainers. She was loaded onto a stretcher, and she waved to the fans as heartfelt cheers escorted her from the track area. I later discovered that she had broken both her tibia and fibula, and a tough recovery is likely in store.

• After a short break and a trip to the concession stand, it was time for the "A" game, which featured CRG's Black Sheep against the visiting San Diego Wildfires. These teams had played late last season in San Diego, with CRG posting a win on the familiar flat track. The teams played again the next day on a banked track, and the Sheep were defeated in their first ever banked track game. San Diego featured some well-known names in the derby world, such as Ivanna S. Pankin and Trish the Dish, so I was excited to see the visitors play.

• While CRG had a number of outstanding performances, two skaters stood out the most. I'll begin with my pick for the CRG MVP (PDQ!). Trauma had an awesome performance. Taking over a primary pivot position from the recently-retired Blu Bayou, Trauma proved to be a worthy successor. She did an excellent job holding the pack together, especially in light of CRG's chronic penalty issues. She seemed a bit quicker than I remembered, and I sensed confidence in her actions and body language. I was very proud and impressed that the raw promise of "Trauma Queen" way back in her first B-team bout had developed into the skill and leadership Trauma brought to the Sheep. Any fan who has seen Trauma skate knows to expect some really nice hits, and she did not disappoint this time around. While the increased skill level and tactical awareness of an A game tend to somewhat limit the explosive collisions on open track, I'm certain that a few Wildfires skaters returned to the left coast with not-so-fond memories of Trauma. Simply put, Trauma did everything CRG could ask of a pivot.

• In terms of jammers, K Lethal had many great moments. She was the best Sheep jammer overall, and she showcased the jaw-dropping moves that fans have come to expect when she wears the star. I don't have the actual stats, but my guess is that she was the top scorer for CRG. With her combination of speed and toughness, she is a "wrecking ball" jammer in the style of Sadistic Sadie. K Lethal also demonstrated a knack for blocking, as all four of the jammers in CRG's rotation contributed even without the star. If the bout had been 50 minutes long, she would have garnered my vote for overall MVP. Unfortunately, some costly jammer penalty time in the game's final minutes took a bit of the shine away from her performance.

• Turning to the other Black Sheep jammers, the artist formerly known as Hannah Barbaric (now Hannah Ouchocinco) had a typically strong all-around game. She has surprising power for her size, to complement excellent speed and a knack for exploiting fleeting holes in the blocking. Hannah also managed to avoid the penalty problems that plagued CRG's other jammers. Nuk'em's performance didn't alter the opinion I formed after seeing her in a B game last year. She is still very talented, with speed and power to spare. Unfortunately, she was also still erratic, whiffing badly on a couple of attempts at big hits and giving up too many power jams by getting sent to the box.

• It's rare to type three paragraphs about the Black Sheep without discussing Sadistic Sadie's performance. After the bout, some fans on Facebook were critical of her for taunting and playing games with the San Diego jammers instead of going all out to score points. For the most part, I disagree with those criticisms. On at least one occasion, Sadie frustrated the opposing jammer into taking a stupid back-blocking penalty and yielding a power jam. Other times, she brought the action to a halt and allowed CRG to get blockers back from the penalty box without giving up points. Was this the best Sadie performance I've seen? Certainly not, as she did not rack up points in her usual fashion. She also joined her teammates in serving some time in the sin bin as a jammer. As she skated past us on the way to the box, we heard her yell to the referee something like "Good sir, I believe that your assessment of a penalty was erroneous." Still, from where I was sitting, Sadie played a strong tactical game, both as a jammer and as a blocker.

• Other CRG performances of note include Sk8r-Kinney, who anchors the front of the pack and never seems to be out of position. June With a Cleaver is a smart blocker, and she was one of the few Black Sheep to avoid excessive penalty time. Karma Krash played a solid two-way game, and Buckhead Betty provided some much needed muscle in the absence of Panterrorize. It was great to see Sista Sacrilicious back on the track and skating well. Overall, the CRG pack was decent, but nowhere near the dominating performances I have seen on some occasions. Most certainly, penalties were the primary culprit. Also, it's very difficult to compensate for the loss of standout pack performers such as Panterrorize, Blu Bayou, and Mae C. Stars (who Mae C. the delivery room in the near future). I have every reason to believe that CRG will grow from here and be better in the pack as the season continues.

• As you may have guessed from the tone of the last few paragraphs, the Black Sheep dropped a very competitive game. The first half saw multiple lead changes, often due to high-scoring power jams. San Diego's Steely Jan put up 18 points in one instance, which gave the Wildfires a lead they held for all of one jam. As the game progressed into the early stages of the second half, I got the impression that CRG would slowly pull away to a safe, if not comfortable, lead. To that point, the game had been well-played in general, but penalties on both sides were pervasive. With roughly 10 or 15 minutes remaining in the game, things got ugly. Discipline lapsed on both sides, and there was a constant procession of skaters in and out of the penalty box, especially jammers. Unfortunately, this rash of jammer misconduct hit the Black Sheep more demonstrably, and San Diego was able to build a small lead (10 points or so) with roughly 3 minutes to play. At that point, skaters were in and out of the box so frequently that I couldn't really follow the action, and K Lethal took the jammer star to the box with just over 2 minutes remaining. Owen and I kept asking each other why she wasn't coming out of the box, as the game slipped away and the Wildfires padded their eventual margin of victory. I was under the impression that penalties lasted one minute, but she sat there for two. A final jam started with no CRG jammer, and San Diego took lead and called it off for the win.

• Unfortunately, the refrain was familiar: if not for the penalties, they would have won. Jammer penalties seem to be the biggest obstacle in the way of CRG making a jump to the highest level of competition. Yet, none of this takes away from a very strong performance by San Diego. I was very impressed by Steely Jan on the jammer line, as well as by Kiki DiAzz and Bonnie D Stroyer. Dahmernatrix stood out among the blockers, both with some memorable hits and with her overall two-way play.

So with the specifics out of the way, let's move on to my overall impressions of the evening. I mentioned earlier that there were no more than 1,000 spectators present for the start of the B game. By the start of the A game, the stands were very full, and the arena got very loud for the introductions. After the bout, CRG reported a record-breaking attendance of over 3,100. Even though the crowd was larger than usual, its behavior was typical for the Gardens. The fans were rather quiet for the most part, but when CRG got lead jammer, the noise erupted. Toward the end of the A game, one could hear boisterous booing when a CRG skater went to the penalty box.

Possibly my favorite part of the night was talking to some of the CRG skaters before, during, and after the bouts. Miss Print was, as always, friendly. She stopped by before the bout, just before the A game, and afterwards to talk. I introduced her to Owen and she answered some of his questions about their practice schedule and such. The Librarian also stopped to chat during the A game, and we could tell she was pumped from the great performance by the Lambs. We later scored a "shush" picture for Owen. After the bouts, Owen (a huge Bengals fan who was wearing a Bengals shirt) wanted to meet Hannah, so we waited behind the throngs of young autograph seekers and finally got a picture of the two of them.

I wanted to congratulate Trauma on her great performance, so we located her. She was so incredibly sweet, and talking with her absolutely made my night. I told her that we had met after her first bout, but she didn't recall it. I am actually "friends" with her on the Internet ghost town of Myspace, dating back to that bout. Our last stop, as previously mentioned, was to chat with Bex Pistol. She was very friendly and willing to share her knowledge. Plus, she has a great smile! How could I possibly think I could "break up" with an awesome bunch like that?

As the crowd dissipated, we made our way to the car. An uneventful trip home left me arriving to walk the dog at 1:30am, exhausted but happy. I can't wait for my next chance to see CRG. Ain't love grand?